Check....Check...Is This Thing On?

It's been a week since I've posted, but it seems so much longer than that. I guess I just haven't had school work to avoid. :) No really, I just haven't had much to say to be honest. I don't want to get in the habit of not writing because I believe it is really healthy...especially during this weird transition time. And just because I like I feeling some connection with you lovelies all over the country. (Can't we just form a commune and all live together?) I'll be in charge of the neighborhood pot luck suppers.) So get ready for some rambling randomness. I'll put it in list form to at least give the appearance of order.

1. We are half way through the second month of the year, which means I'm half way through my second resolution of the year. As you know, January was 'no sweets'. I made it all the way through without any mulligans, which is impressive for someone who tends to follow the same diet as Buddy the Elf. Now, February for me has been 'daily flossing'. Yes, I know....most people count this as a daily routine already as responsible adults, but really it isn't something I've been diligent on. So now, a little over half way through I've only missed 3 times. I don't even half mind it as I used to. So there! I need to figure out what March will be since 3/1/2011 is closing in quickly.

2. In my job hunt I came across this website. Subpoint #1 -- Bummer that they aren't hiring. Don't you think I'd be the perfect person for the Sharpie team?? They do have an office in Atlanta, so I'll have to keep checking back. Subpoint #2 -- I can't help but think of Shelby when I see the Special Edition 80's Glam colors. Scroll across each color for the name. I know you didn't actually banana clips or jellies in college, but I will for always and ever associate the decade of my birth with you, Shelby dearest. That and Wheat Thins. And Celine Dion. Oh--and if I was forced to choose a favorite 80's Glam permanent writing utensil, I'd go for the Arrrrrrrrgyle Green (hand over my heart for Candoo's hometown).

3. This Thursday morning I take off for Colorado...and boy-oh-boy am I so excited. Honestly, it'll be really nice to get out of town and away from my daily norm. It'll be exhilarating to be with Streckers party of 4, Hayes party of 2, Muniak party of 1, and an extra Cleaver for good luck. We were all together this past August for Shelby's wedding and there are no words to describe the hysterics those 3 super busy days held. It'll be nice to all be together with no set plans but fun, food and some skiing. It's been over a year since I've been skiing so I can't wait to click in and hit the slopes. Praying for nice days and no snow, since I'm kind a wimp in the elements. Also praying for no altitude issues since I've been known to be a barfer.....on more than one occasion. Sad, but true. All that to say, this trip couldn't come at a better time and I'm already dreading the good-byes comes Monday afternoon.

OK, I could keep going but the day is going to get away from me and I need to get some job-hunting in before meeting up with Julie and meeting new baby Madelyn for some queso and margarita's.

Love you more than the smell of bacon frying in the morning.

London

I'm up to my eyeballs in school work today...which naturally means, all I really want to do it write here. I'm compromising and posting this video. It makes my heart so happy!

You've Got to Love London from Alex Silver on Vimeo.

Valentine's Day

I've been walking down memory lane today...thinking back over the years and what has been marked in my memory on this day. I've never had a date on Valentine's Day, so the memories don't follow the pattern you'd normally expect. Once I got a couple of years in, I realized this might be a fun time line to share with you.

In 1990 it meant having the Meloy family expand to 5. We got our first dog and properly named her Valentine. Mom and Dad wanted to make sure she wouldn't be more Zach's dog than mine and since our birthdays are January 14 and March 14, they decided to split the difference and call her Valentine. She was a terror to friends and neighbors (a hearding dog by nature who also ended up being overly protective of us...you do the math), but she was such a positive addition for us. It was the first time I can remember Dad breaking his drill sergeant roll in our lives to giggle and get on the floor and play. The day Valentine died was the only time in my life I've heard my Dad cry and I'll never forget it.

[Please note my mom's socks...and G.Dub Senior on the tv!]

[This is obviously not taken when I was in 3rd grade...but the only one I had of me and her at my apt. Plus, I wanted to show you 1 of my two favorite outfits my senior year. No lie.]

In 1991 it meant receiving a Valentine from one of my classmates (Chris Scharfenberg to be exact) that only read "Please don't hit me". While there is a back story here, I'll only go on to say that I made a commitment to myself that day to not hit another boy....Plus, my older cousin said boys in middle school don't react well to that. Maybe this is somehow related to my lack of flirting ability...

In 1992 it meant I had to stare at all of my Valentine's candy but not eat it. I was put on a dairy restriction while my doctor tried to figure out what was causing my chest pains. I remember this day specifically and even staring down a chocolate heart that was calling my name. Mom let me freeze it until Dr. McKee gave the go ahead. She took me to IHOP for dinner as a treat and I when I realized that grilled cheese was out of the question as well I felt like I was being tortured. (As it turns out, the pains were anxiety attacks; although we wouldn't learn that until late in high school).

In 1997 it meant celebrating at a slight (and by slight I mean microscopic) change in my social status at Pope High School. Student Government did a fundraiser each year and this year it was filling out a survey about yourself and then get matched either with other people in your grade, or in the entire school. I paid the $$ to have both run. Opening that compatibility test on Valentine's Day and seeing the dreamy senior quarterback's name (Chad Adams) was thrilling. Becca and I admired him from afar daily and I shared a squeal with her when his name along with a couple other football stars showed up on my list. If only I had a picture of this day to share!

In 1998 it meant Rachel and I throwing a killer "singles" party in her parent's basement. Again, so sorry I don't have a picture to share of this. I remember that most of our school friends came...including the dumb boys. It was probably silly to call it a singles party since no one was dating anyone else (except maybe Court and Sam?). Rachel had just had some serious medical procedure because Jeff Boyle kept trying to buy her pain medication off her so he could get high.

**In thinking about this, I have mental pictures for each of these days but not nearly enough film pictures. Too bad we didn't have digital cameras in high school. I would've documented a lot more!

In 2001 it meant going on a double "date" to Gatlinburg, Tennessee with Ben, Heather, and Bradley. The college group held a fundraiser that year to help raise support for the Belgium missions trip. The idea was for each of the boys in the group to write out a date that they would be willing to go on and pay for and then the girls would read the different dates and bid. On a whole, a cute idea I think. It didn't work exactly as planned since the group was so small it was easy to match each date with the boy(s) who had written them. I bid on Ben's because I knew Heather and Bradley would be the other couple and we'd have a great time. The date was supposed to be something along the lines of "pick you up in the morning, drive to Gatlinburg and ski for the day, then have a nice dinner and drive home." I won't go into all the details of what really happened, but it was a continuous comedy of errors. Traffic, no skiing, a trip through the aquarium--the plants were cement molds spray painted green, dinner at kfc, an almost fight on the way out of town, and helping a stranded stranger after midnight. I wish I had pictures from that night, but I don't. I think there is one of all 4 of us floating out there in the world somewhere. Here's a picture of Ben and I....not from that night.

[Actually, I think this was taken that same year just a couple months earlier]

[This is us back in high school. Yes, my hair has fake blond streaks and I'm wearing a dog collar. But that's another post for another day.]

In 2002 it meant taking a trip to Auburn, Alabama with Liz. She and I were applying to Auburn so we wanted to visit and get a feel for the campus. We stayed with Matt Vaughan and Miller Chalk and thought it was so scandalous to sleep over there. While it was a fun weekend with friends, I sure am glad we didn't follow through with the transfer.

[This trip was also the start place of a long running "dirty" joke.]

In 2003 it meant getting out of London for the weekend and heading to Scotland. I was on the Haggis Bus Tour with a few of my classmates and a bus load of strangers from all over the world. Our bus driver's name was Tony. I knew it was going to be an interesting weekend when he popped open a bottle of whiskey on our way our of town, took a swig and then passed it around the bus. He decided to assign Valentine's to everyone on the bus...and he made sure that the boys who were traveling with significant others were NOT paired with them. His grand plan was for the boys to buy a little something for their matched Valentine during the weekend and then as we headed back to the home base on the last day the guys would get up in front of the group and present the gift. My "Valentine" was Nick who ended up sharing our hostel rooms all weekend so we became buddies quickly--mainly because I was apologizing for Brett's outrageous snoring the first night. He bought me a scrunchie with a hairy coo on it (which I still have!). Coolest part of the story, I think, is that we haven't seen each other since that week, but we've stayed in touch. That reminds me...I have wish him a happy haggis-versary on his facebook page...I'll be back.

[Our little group: Christina, Stef, Me, Meghan, Brett, and Nick]

[Nick and I in Edinburgh with my Hairy Coo scrunchie.]

In 2004 it meant going out to dinner with Liz. We went to CPK at Garden's mall and went halfsies on a garlic pizza (I mean, who did we have to kiss?) and pineapple pizza. I made her cry on the way there, which we ended up laughing about when she reached for a tissue in my console and pulled out a panty-liner instead. It did the trick, right? I still felt badly the rest of the night. After dinner we went home and Mike called. (Mike is a boy Shelbs and I worked with who was a-dorable). He invited me over but I told him I didn't want to bail on Liz....so I just took her with me! So sorry, Liz. Ha ha. We sat at his house being super lame and then went home. While I don't have a picture of all of us together, I do have this treat from earlier in the day.

[Stephen sent Liz these flowers in the mail....what a good long distance boy toy!!]

In 2005 it meant going to Robin's lake house with a group of new friends. I had just started to hang out with them and was still very shy. We just hung out all weekend but the night of the 14th the boys sat us down and told us they had a surprise. They had choreographed a song and dance routine! It was hysterical. At the end we each got chocolates and a flower. This group of friends ended up being such a blessing over the next 2 years. We traveled together, worshiped together, celebrated and encouraged each other, and always laughed ourselves silly. That season is over now that most everyone is married with kids, but I'm so thankful for those memories as I was transitioning back into Atlanta life.

[I wish I could find the picture of all of us from the weekend, but this action shot will speak for itself.]

In 2007 it meant leaving the comfort zone of the job I'd had for the past 2 years at Maximum Impact. I had tried telling my manager that I needed a change of scenery because the constant sales calls were getting to me. I envisioned changing departments or positions.....God pictured something different. So I packed my stuff and headed out in faith to what was next. Starbucks, Passion, extended trip to Costa Rica, Giant Impact, the onset of some of my roughest years, if I'm being honest.

That brings us to TODAY. I'm not sure which parts of my day and life will be my mental snapshot of Valentine's Day 2011. It was a pity party in the morning, a brisk walk and boost of endorphins in the afternoon, then to Starbucks to get some work done before meeting some friends for dinner and a Justin Bieber 3D movie viewing.

{{OH, and today also marks exactly 1 month until my 30th--I'm not so ready for that.}}

I hope you've had a wonderful day filled with sweet words and sweet candies!

Proof

Changed

I passed up a Deaf social event to come home and get some serious homework done, so I can't linger. I just needed to tell you about my evening and I didn't want tonight to pass without getting some of these thoughts out or down or whatever you call it. PS--remind me sometime to tell you the difference between Deaf and deaf. Yup, there is one. Consider that your knowledge for the day. Now you just need a monkey reference and you're ready for bed.

Back to my night. Remember how I told you that my friends in school were super great and super different than me? One of the girls, Chezon, is (among other things) a spoken word poet. She had a show (?) slam (?) performance tonight and invited me to go. I didn't take the facebook invitation seriously, but when we were leaving class on Thursday she hollered "I'll see you Saturday night!" and although hesitant at the commitment (when did that become one of my biggest fears?) I didn't want to let her down.

Let the record show that I know the words I share here won't do what I saw and heard tonight true justice.

The event was in a tiny museum in the heart of downtown Atlanta. It is actually dedicated to slavery and the history of the black community in Atlanta. I knew just by the address that we'd be going to the part of town my parents always warned me about growing up. The "rough" part of town, if you will. The older I get the more I realize just how sheltered I was growing up (and honestly, still am). I can see the good intentions there, but can also see the potential harm. I hope I'll continue to expand out of that mold now so if I have children I can introduce them to other cultures and history that surround them. Sara and I snuck in as my friend Che was half way through her set. It was beautiful. Funny. Inspiring. Rich. We found seats and were wow'd for the next 2 hours as 3 other poets got up and recited their work. I've never been to anything like that before. I guess I figured that scene would be too deep for me--above my head. (I mean, didn't I just publish a post about smoothies and chick flicks?) I've only written one poem in my life--an 11th grade English assignment--and have never been compelled to express myself that way since.

Some poems were about dreams, others about family and race, cultural events were discussed with passion and emotion. In true Southern form, there were quite a few references to fried chicken. There was a moving poem about trying to trace a family's name past the slave ships and another about homeless people being dismissed from Atlanta in 1996 in order to "clean up" the city. One guy talked about honoring our loved ones while they are alive with us, so he shared a poem about all the things his father has given him in life that he never asked for. It was especially moving because his dad was sitting one row up from us. There was a poem about the word AIN'T and another about how black women snap their necks. There was a really moving one dedicated to the crew of the Columbia space shuttle disaster of 2003. Each work, even the humorous, were so thought provoking and entertaining. It was the healthy dose of culture I've been needing. I even heard a few people snap during the performances.

We socialized afterward and I even ran into a lady who worked at my tiny Christian high school in the burbs (Mrs. Hensel, Philip's mom). She was absolutely the last person I would've expected to see in downtown Atlanta on a Saturday night, but honestly so refreshing to catch up. I gave myself the tour of the little museum and read about a slave who had himself shipped in a cargo box from South Carolina to Pittsburgh during the height of the slavery years. I was blown away by the reality that so many people had to face back then. I know we all joke about the South and usually in some reference to Vera Bradley or Stone Mountain. I admit that I like country music and find a true southern accent to be enchanting. But the more I learn about who I really am deep down, the more I realize I have some strong feelings about the black culture and community. I have opinions about the slavery period and Affirmative Action. To be completely honest, I'm startled to find such passion rise up in me. It's like a breath of fresh air and I'm intrigued to continue down this road.

I guess all that to say is that I walked away a different person than when I walked in. I can't put my finger on the last time that happened. I walked in with the insecurity of my skin color and walked out having truly connected with other humans--identifying emotion at the heart level--finding common bond outside of work and social status. I know I'm rambling and probably coming across way more dramatic than intended. Like I said at the beginning, I just wanted to get this out before I put it on a mental to-do list that never got completed.

Now I have to watch some ASL videos and figure out what in the heck they are trying to say. I really do appreciate you girls letting me run free at the mouth here. I know I'm wordy and I keep promising to quit. I just couldn't let tonight go without some processing.

Love you more than the Big Chicken!

What Up, Oprah!

(Name that song!) This has been the best day of my week so far, so I thought no better way to end it than with the second half of my favorite things list. {hooray!} So without further ado...

MY FAVORITE THINGS....PART 2:

Perfume: I grew up always wanting to have 1 perfume my whole life. Makes sense since my mom has worn the same perfume for over 30 years. Then in high school I was prepping to go on my first mission trip and one of the leaders suggested picking out a different scent specifically for the trip...that way whenever I smelled it again in the future I'd think of the trip. I did (Happy Daisy, anyone?) and now it just happens every couple of years I stumble across a new smell that I love. I'm so glad I got over the 1 perfume rule or else I would still be wearing Sunflowers or Sun-Ripened Raspberry. Then I'd never get a date to the prom. Hmm--I guess all that to say that I've found a new fave. Blue by Ralph Lauren. Amazing. And now for a random fact: 4 of my 5 of my favorite perfumes are all colors -- Pink, Black, Green Apple, and now Blue.

TV Shows That Are No Longer Airing: How's that for a favorite topic? I have Netflix instant watch to thank for this one. There are pro's and con's here. The upside is that you get to watch an entire show start to finish. Of course when it's over you're sad and find yourself missing some of the characters. No? No one else? Of course. I'll just leave these here for any of you Netflix-ers....thank me later. Oh, and if you don't have Netflix you are missing out. Even my mom and dad have it. And you know they just got caller ID this year. Back to topic of choice...there is just no way to pick 1, so I've given you a few. 1.) Veronica Mars -- one word: LOGAN. 2.) Pushing Daisies -- so cute, innocent, beautiful, and Kristen Chenoweth-y. 3.) Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip -- great writing and fascinating to see Mr. Chanandler Bong in a somewhat serious role. So there you have it. I'm actually not done watching Studio 60, but I can't bring myself to watch the last 2 episodes because then it will be over forever. Dang...I need a better hobby.

Website: Excluding all friend's blogs of course. I can't get enough foodgawker. I mean, for someone who rarely cooks, you'd think a recipe website wouldn't be so thrilling. I honestly check it multiple times a day and love seeing all of the different ideas. It's even inspired me to add 'attempt to bake with yeast' to my goals for this year. Specifically soft pretzels. I know that is quite possibly a disaster, but the picture makes them look so pretty! I not only love the favorites section where you can save the recipes you want to try, but you can also search the entire website with a key word and find all the different variations on a recipe. I picked a monkey bread recipe solely based on the pictures....and was NOT disappointed. How could you hate a website that would offer you this, this, or THIS??

Cheesy Dance Movie: FALSE ALARM! There is no way I can pick just one. As it turns out, cheesy dance movies are my love language. And since I brought it up, I'll confess that Step Up 3 is officially on my wish list so I can complete the trilogy of gyrations.

Smoothie: In high school it was Grape Expectations 2 from Smoothie King. My friend Sara and I would go so much the people knew our names. Well at least one did--his name was Adam. I think. How's that for useless memory storage? In college I'd stop at Planet Smoothie (next door to K-Mart) and get a Chocolate Two Piece Bikini before heading to work at Results Fitness Studio. Oh those days......I'd sit in my car during my break so I could listen to Josh Kelley's song "Amazing" on repeat. During out time as roommates, Jenni introduced me to the Chocolate Elvis and I'll never be the same. I'm sure it takes all nutrition out of the drink, but it is a special gift to your taste buds. AND it can easily be duplicated at home with the following: 1 frozen banana, 1 heaping tablespoon peanut butter, 1 cup milk (vanilla soy makes it extra wonderful), 1-2 scoops chocolate protein powder, generous sprinkle of ground flax seed. Blend to your heart's content.

So there you have it. If I come across more categories in the future I'll be sure to write an amendment. If you have one I didn't mention, let me know. Goodness knows I probably have an opinion. The time is now 12:34 and I'm heading to bed to see if I can dream about the same cute boy I did last night. :)

Inbox

I opened my facebook account yesterday morning and found this gem waiting from one of my old teammates:

"You are missed today! It comes in waves and today is a tsunami."

So thankful for those friendships even if they were only for a season.

Remember This?

OK, That's a trick question. This should only ring a bell with Megs (and maybe Court). It's where I lived in London!! Our flat was on the second floor right above that scaffolding in the second picture. We would wake up many mornings to the workmen singing right outside our window. It would seem extra loud because Christina would INSIST on leaving the windows open in the dead of winter. That's another story all together. The first part of the year always takes me back to my London memories. I can't even believe this was 8 years ago!

I plan on blogging more on this in the near future, but thought I'd spit out this tease now because I have something else I should be doing. The Queen of Procrastination is still reigning!

Schnitzel with Noodles

I figured "Raindrops on Roses" would be a dead give away for a title. So at least that one made you think you were going to get a nice German recipe for meat and pasta. But alas, no such luck--I'll have to master my fear of handling raw meat before going down that road. The past couple of days have gone a little differently than planned, so in celebration of getting dressed and leaving the house today (baby steps, right?) I thought I'd post one of my fun ideas.

See, I've never been much of an Oprah fan. Sure, I've watched here and there but nothing die hard. I've never bought and read one of her book club books. I didn't stop eating red meat when she said the beef farmers were evil (pretty sure that isn't the exact quote). Proudly, I've never used the reasoning "because Oprah says so" to validate my thoughts or actions. There is, however, one thing I've taken a liking to. That is her over-the-top Favorite Things show. In the past she's done them around Christmas to show the latest gifts for the season. Inevitably (or however you spell that) she introduces a wide variety of her favorite things and then little elves come and deliver them to each person in the audience. I know a lady who was in the audience for that show and she walked away with all sorts of treasures.

ANYWAY, at some point last year I started collecting some of my favorite things. I keep them in a box under my bed. At different times I've thought of wrapping them up and sending them to someone (mainly, one of you for the nearest holiday) but then talk myself out of it. Giving a gift should be about the recipients favorite things....not mine. So instead, I thought I'd list a few here. That way, if something strikes your fancy, you can get it yourself. Saves me on shipping too :) So as you sit back and read through this list I ask just one thing. Please picture Oprah's announcing voice reading the categories to you. It's the least you could do.

My Favorite Things.....

Lotion: Aveeno Grapefruit & Rosemary. Smells so wonderful (and you know how I like good smelly things!)

**Blarg. I tried copying and pasting pictures here but it screwed up the type and font. So maybe this won't be quite as fun as it could be. So maybe I'll just add links instead. Done and done.

Worship CD: It's a tie right now. Shane and Shane's newest, Dare 2 Share, is pretty great. You just have to force yourself to get past the slight cheese in the title. The other one is Enter the Worship Circle: Chair & Microphone Vol. 3. This could also go for longest title EVER. While I find Shane and Shane so dear to my heart because of the memories they stir up, I also can't help but be refreshed by lyrics that don't automatically run out my mouth without thought. This girl's voice is peaceful and clear and I just love it.

Sandwich: Chicken and Apples from Rising Roll. There is nothing more perfect. Chicken salad-tart green apples-creamy blue cheese dressing (with or without...I can go either way)-and extra crispy bacon-on a fresh croissant. In the words of my childhood crush, Uncle Jesse....."have mercy"! Ps--if you don't have one of these in your area, don't be sad. Just consider it a divine reason to come and visit me. Oh, and Firehouse's Hook and Ladder should get an honorable mention here....as long as it doesn't get too soggy.

Business Book: I have to admit: I haven't read many of these. As I was unpacking my boxes tonight and came across this gem: Three Signs of a Miserable Job by Patrick Lencioni. This is a book focused on helping managers, so if you aren't one then I will admit you'll feel a little stuck when you finish. All I know is that this book gave words to why I've loved every job I've loved and why I've despised all of those I despised. If you (or your sweet husband) are a manager, please read. It is an allegory (fancy word for story with a moral) so it's a quick read.

Game: I have a split division here. Educational and Entertaining. In the educational category, Bananagrams must take the cake for quick thinking and vocabulary expansion. While you can easily win this with 3 letter words, I've found that there is no glory in the Meloy family for that kind of win. Your words will be scrutinized and respect will be doled out for quality over quantity. Hey, I don't make the rules! If you are one that finds stress in a fast paced game, maybe Farkle will tickle your fancy. This is a contageous dice game of no skill and all luck. Plus you get to scream FARKLE as many times as you want. What's not to love?? Oh it's only $5 at Target, so don't waste your dollars at Amazon.

Ice Cream Flavor: Ben and Jerry's Coffee Heath Bar. Personally I think it should be called Coffee Toffee...but that's thanks to Wendy's Coffee Toffee Frosty. Just saying that a few times will make your day better. Which is what I recommend since the actual treat itself is something like 5 gazillion calories per teaspoon. But I digress. Who knew that the girl who doesn't actually care for a cup of coffee would love coffee ice cream? It's true. And this one is delish. Do us both a favor and don't click on the nutrition link if you happen to spend some time with any of the B&J flavors.

We have so many more favorites to cover, so consider this my commercial break......

It's Monday

So...the shock has officially worn off and I'm struggling at the idea of finding a new job. I kinda feel like the Israelites probably did leaving Egypt. The news came so quickly to them that they didn't have time to leaven their bread (can you tell I'm still in the Old Testament?) but once they got out into the desert and away from Pharaoh reality hit. No food or water. And while I'd like to think I have a better attitude than those whiners, I probably don't.

The other analogy that struck me is that I'm like Peter taking a step out of the boat. Last week the adrenaline was pumping and I was excited to see what God is going to do in the midst of my job loss. But this morning I woke up feeling more panicky. I've moved my gaze to the waves around me and it's hard not to think about sinking.

I promise this won't become a bleak, depressing and whiny blog, but also wanted to be true to what I'm thinking and feeling. Whenever I've kept journals in the past, I've written what sounds best instead of what I'm really thinking...which ultimately is a waste of time.

OH! I did also want to show you this cool verse. I've been working my way through Exodus and last Friday, this was part of my reading (and an answer to prayer): Exodus 14:14 -- "The LORD will fight for you while you keep silent." Cool, huh?

On another note, I've realized that keeping a mental blog is easier and fancier than a real blog. I want to keep posting more regularly and add more pictures and fun and less words. So, don't you worry. I have plans for some more fun. But first I have to finish my homework...and search for a new job. I'll let the fun posts be my prize!

"What If There's No Tomorrow? There wasn't one today."

No one panic. That isn't a bleak cry for attention or help. I just feel like we should start this off with a quote from Groundhog Day. Only seems right. Especially since I'm a connoisseur of Bill Murray movies. Seriously funny. And by the way, belated RABBIT and now Happy Groundhog's Day.

I haven't posted since last week because I figured I'd wait until I have some definite answers about my job. Answers I do....along with a car full of my belongings. I was let-go/laid-off/terminated yesterday afternoon. So today is officially the first day of the rest of my life! At least that's what dad is telling me. :)

Honestly, I'm OK. It was SHOCKING to see how poorly it was handled by a company whose very foundation is healthy leadership and people skills. I had to chase down the COO twice to ask for information, I had to confront my manager about abandoning/ignoring me at a time that I needed her most, and I ultimately set the appointment for my final conversation....after realizing the guy in charge was making no move in that direction. So at 4 pm yesterday, he told me that effective immediately, I was done. My few friends helped me pack my cube and load my car. It's so surreal.

God was so gracious to allow me to keep my composure during my conversation with Chris and as I signed over all of my passwords for my work. [As it turns out, the COO had orchestrated a fake position on our team about a month ago and had me train the girl in what I do under the guise of helping out our team. Really she is just taking my spot. OH! And this decision was made last week, they just all kept making excuses and passing the buck to each other to tell me.] I had a burst of adrenaline cry when I got back to my desk, but dried up quickly once people came around. I was able to laugh and joke as I packed up and said good-bye to 5 years of files/work/memories. I held the real tears until I was pulling out of the parking lot. Seemed almost fitting since it was a foggy rainy day yesterday. Tears were gone by the time I made it home (65 minutes later thanks to lame-o Atlanta traffic).

Upstairs for my pajamas, a big glass (or small bottle whichever way you look at it) of Sangria, Biggest Loser watching with Sara was just what my heart needed. I was able to give the play by play to both my mom and dad without getting emotional. I think it was a combination of shock and relief to finally know.

My heart started aching around 10. Not the heart attack kind (don't worry, as a card carrying hypochondriac...I would know) but the break-up kind. My heart started physically hurting from sadness and that led to a restless night of sleep. I woke up a couple of different times during the late night/early morning with my heart racing and every minute replaying over and over in my head. I couldn't get it to start. I don't know if everyone deals with that, but it is an especially sour curse for internal processor communicators. I need time to think through big conversations to gather my thoughts. That means that every time the movie reel started running in my head, I had thought of more things to say...not that they would really make a difference.

I'm OK. Really, I am. Yesterday morning I got some confirmation that the leader I would've stayed under isn't someone I respect, trust, or admire. And while I have friends at Giant, there wasn't a single role I could picture myself moving into. I'll miss my routine and the comfort of the job I knew so well. I'll miss the cool work space and my consistent lunch buddy. I'll miss being a given to work at Catalyst and The Chick-fil-A Leadercast. So really, the sadness comes with staring change in the face. My pride was bruised in the process of watching both companies turn their backs on me, but God's grace abounds still. One my drive home last night I just kept saying over and over "I know I can't trust those leaders to look out for my best, but I know I can trust YOU."

So today, I know there is a gap in my world, but there is also freedom. I get a wave of panic every so often that I've forgotten something or am missing something, and then I remember. I feel hopeful for the coming days and even have a paid dog sitting gig for next week to keep the dollars flowing. Better yet, it's for mom and dad so that just means I'm paid to go sleep in my old room. Brilliant! I'm amazed at God's perfect timing and I DO trust that this is working towards my good. After reading about Abraham, Isaac and Jacob leaving comfort in faith, I'm ready to do the same. Now if only I didn't share Moses's insecurity for public speaking.Thank you girls for listening, loving and supporting. It really means the world to me to have this space to share life with you.....good and bad.