"What If There's No Tomorrow? There wasn't one today."

No one panic. That isn't a bleak cry for attention or help. I just feel like we should start this off with a quote from Groundhog Day. Only seems right. Especially since I'm a connoisseur of Bill Murray movies. Seriously funny. And by the way, belated RABBIT and now Happy Groundhog's Day.

I haven't posted since last week because I figured I'd wait until I have some definite answers about my job. Answers I do....along with a car full of my belongings. I was let-go/laid-off/terminated yesterday afternoon. So today is officially the first day of the rest of my life! At least that's what dad is telling me. :)

Honestly, I'm OK. It was SHOCKING to see how poorly it was handled by a company whose very foundation is healthy leadership and people skills. I had to chase down the COO twice to ask for information, I had to confront my manager about abandoning/ignoring me at a time that I needed her most, and I ultimately set the appointment for my final conversation....after realizing the guy in charge was making no move in that direction. So at 4 pm yesterday, he told me that effective immediately, I was done. My few friends helped me pack my cube and load my car. It's so surreal.

God was so gracious to allow me to keep my composure during my conversation with Chris and as I signed over all of my passwords for my work. [As it turns out, the COO had orchestrated a fake position on our team about a month ago and had me train the girl in what I do under the guise of helping out our team. Really she is just taking my spot. OH! And this decision was made last week, they just all kept making excuses and passing the buck to each other to tell me.] I had a burst of adrenaline cry when I got back to my desk, but dried up quickly once people came around. I was able to laugh and joke as I packed up and said good-bye to 5 years of files/work/memories. I held the real tears until I was pulling out of the parking lot. Seemed almost fitting since it was a foggy rainy day yesterday. Tears were gone by the time I made it home (65 minutes later thanks to lame-o Atlanta traffic).

Upstairs for my pajamas, a big glass (or small bottle whichever way you look at it) of Sangria, Biggest Loser watching with Sara was just what my heart needed. I was able to give the play by play to both my mom and dad without getting emotional. I think it was a combination of shock and relief to finally know.

My heart started aching around 10. Not the heart attack kind (don't worry, as a card carrying hypochondriac...I would know) but the break-up kind. My heart started physically hurting from sadness and that led to a restless night of sleep. I woke up a couple of different times during the late night/early morning with my heart racing and every minute replaying over and over in my head. I couldn't get it to start. I don't know if everyone deals with that, but it is an especially sour curse for internal processor communicators. I need time to think through big conversations to gather my thoughts. That means that every time the movie reel started running in my head, I had thought of more things to say...not that they would really make a difference.

I'm OK. Really, I am. Yesterday morning I got some confirmation that the leader I would've stayed under isn't someone I respect, trust, or admire. And while I have friends at Giant, there wasn't a single role I could picture myself moving into. I'll miss my routine and the comfort of the job I knew so well. I'll miss the cool work space and my consistent lunch buddy. I'll miss being a given to work at Catalyst and The Chick-fil-A Leadercast. So really, the sadness comes with staring change in the face. My pride was bruised in the process of watching both companies turn their backs on me, but God's grace abounds still. One my drive home last night I just kept saying over and over "I know I can't trust those leaders to look out for my best, but I know I can trust YOU."

So today, I know there is a gap in my world, but there is also freedom. I get a wave of panic every so often that I've forgotten something or am missing something, and then I remember. I feel hopeful for the coming days and even have a paid dog sitting gig for next week to keep the dollars flowing. Better yet, it's for mom and dad so that just means I'm paid to go sleep in my old room. Brilliant! I'm amazed at God's perfect timing and I DO trust that this is working towards my good. After reading about Abraham, Isaac and Jacob leaving comfort in faith, I'm ready to do the same. Now if only I didn't share Moses's insecurity for public speaking.Thank you girls for listening, loving and supporting. It really means the world to me to have this space to share life with you.....good and bad.