-Dan Stone, The Rest of the Gospel
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Something To Keep In Mind
"We will never know abundant life until the unseen and eternal realm is home to us in our everyday experience. Until then, we will be living according to appearances, and appearances will never lead us deeper into the life of God. Only faith will. God wants to bring us to the point where we say, "I live by what God says about the things in my life -- situations, people, and myself."
Saturday, October 8, 2011
Closing of a Chapter
This has been a hard week for me. I feel like writing it out and talking it through will help, but I don't really have this post laid out in my head so please forgive me if it comes out jumbled.
For the past 6 years this week has been one of excitement and anticipation with adrenaline carrying me past my natural energy levels. It has stayed the same through the other parts of my life that seem to change. I've heard countless speakers deliver dynamite messages on leadership and personal growth. I've been challenged and humbled and seen creativity like I've never known it before.
It is Catalyst week. And it is the first time since 2005 I haven't been involved.
I noted the start of this week with hesitation and by Friday I felt heart ache like I had just gone through a break-up. You see, the Catalyst conference was my favorite part about working at Giant. It is the reason I got involved with the company in the first place back in 2005. And this year just reminded me that I'm no longer there. I remember thinking in February as I was ushered out the doors that maybe I would be in a better place by October so I could come back and still be a part of the conference team. As it turns out, I'm not there yet. I'm still hurt over having to leave and being so quickly discarded by a company I worked hard for and by people I respected.
I was asked to take up my position again this year and without a second thought I said YES. Then right after I hung up I had second thoughts. The Holy Spirit was shining a spot light on part of myself that I haven't dealt with before. I'm often willing to disregard myself (not in the admirable way) in order to be a part of the "cool" thing or "cool" group. It happened in elementary school with the popular girls. It happened in middle school with my perceived social status. It happened early in high school when I had the choice between sticking up for my best friend or flirting back with a certain boy. It was happening again this year with Catalyst. After hanging up, I realized that I had just committed to work 4 long, hard days on my feet, training and running a team of 10-12 volunteers and selling my heart out all for a company that was so quick to get rid of me earlier in the year. They don't care about me and yet I was willing to turn the blind eye to that glaring fact and use all of my energy to make money for them just so I could have an all access badge and walkie-talkie. I had to call Amberly back and tell her I had spoken too soon and this year wasn't going to work. I really feel like that was the right decision.
You know that part after a break-up when you want to still call the person and be in touch? That's what I was like this week. I had to sit on my hands to not text Amberly or just show up while they were setting up or even during the event. I talked to people last night who had been to the event and I wanted to hear details and know how it went. Like checking up on an old boyfriend. I was a little sad when I realized that I was holding out hope that they would call me and tell me they needed me there or that the event wasn't the same without me. That call wasn't coming.
I know reading this, it probably seems a little crazy just about an event. But thinking through it last night I realized that part of the heart break is linked to not being a part of something that I've been a part of for so many years. There are few things that I'm a part of these days and I always thought this was a constant. Catalyst isn't the be-all-end-all. Clearly, life will go on. To me, it has just been the confirmation of change of season and closing of a chapter. I'm trusting there is good that will come from all of this and I hope I can catch a glimpse soon.
For the past 6 years this week has been one of excitement and anticipation with adrenaline carrying me past my natural energy levels. It has stayed the same through the other parts of my life that seem to change. I've heard countless speakers deliver dynamite messages on leadership and personal growth. I've been challenged and humbled and seen creativity like I've never known it before.
It is Catalyst week. And it is the first time since 2005 I haven't been involved.
I noted the start of this week with hesitation and by Friday I felt heart ache like I had just gone through a break-up. You see, the Catalyst conference was my favorite part about working at Giant. It is the reason I got involved with the company in the first place back in 2005. And this year just reminded me that I'm no longer there. I remember thinking in February as I was ushered out the doors that maybe I would be in a better place by October so I could come back and still be a part of the conference team. As it turns out, I'm not there yet. I'm still hurt over having to leave and being so quickly discarded by a company I worked hard for and by people I respected.
I was asked to take up my position again this year and without a second thought I said YES. Then right after I hung up I had second thoughts. The Holy Spirit was shining a spot light on part of myself that I haven't dealt with before. I'm often willing to disregard myself (not in the admirable way) in order to be a part of the "cool" thing or "cool" group. It happened in elementary school with the popular girls. It happened in middle school with my perceived social status. It happened early in high school when I had the choice between sticking up for my best friend or flirting back with a certain boy. It was happening again this year with Catalyst. After hanging up, I realized that I had just committed to work 4 long, hard days on my feet, training and running a team of 10-12 volunteers and selling my heart out all for a company that was so quick to get rid of me earlier in the year. They don't care about me and yet I was willing to turn the blind eye to that glaring fact and use all of my energy to make money for them just so I could have an all access badge and walkie-talkie. I had to call Amberly back and tell her I had spoken too soon and this year wasn't going to work. I really feel like that was the right decision.
You know that part after a break-up when you want to still call the person and be in touch? That's what I was like this week. I had to sit on my hands to not text Amberly or just show up while they were setting up or even during the event. I talked to people last night who had been to the event and I wanted to hear details and know how it went. Like checking up on an old boyfriend. I was a little sad when I realized that I was holding out hope that they would call me and tell me they needed me there or that the event wasn't the same without me. That call wasn't coming.
I know reading this, it probably seems a little crazy just about an event. But thinking through it last night I realized that part of the heart break is linked to not being a part of something that I've been a part of for so many years. There are few things that I'm a part of these days and I always thought this was a constant. Catalyst isn't the be-all-end-all. Clearly, life will go on. To me, it has just been the confirmation of change of season and closing of a chapter. I'm trusting there is good that will come from all of this and I hope I can catch a glimpse soon.
October 1
A belated "RABBIT" to you all. Please pretend you're reading this on the actual 1st. I had every intention of posting then, but am quickly realizing that my intentions don't really make anything happen. But that's a post for another time. I didn't want this to pass without giving recognition to one of my favorite days.
Now, you must be saying to yourself "Self, why is October 1 different than any other day". I'm glad you asked. Not only is it Fall-ish and beautiful and often the start to the end of the year, but in my world it is also the Official Unofficial First Day of Christmas Music. In fact, I'm listening to a Christmas mix now to get in the spirit.
This tradition actually started when I was in high school. The summer after my freshman year, Zach went off to college. Sarah and I spent tons of time together as we headed into fall and I noticed that she was listening to her Amy Grant Christmas CD (you know the one) on repeat. When asked why, she said it made her feel like Christmas was closer which meant Zach would come back home from college. She didn't live to see Christmas that year, but I've never forgotten her love for the music and excitement for the season. While I can't bring myself to listen starting in August, somewhere along the way decided that October 1 is an acceptable start date.
Fast forward a couple of years and I'm living in West Palm Beach. Liz, Shelby and I wake up and head off to school on one bright and sunny October 1st. To properly honor our homemade holiday, we rolled the windows down and BLASTED Christmas music on our way to school. Much to our chagrin, the motorcycle cop 1 mile down North Flagler didn't carry the same passion for October 1 that we did, which resulted in a speeding ticket with my name on it. For going 45. Really, sir? If I'm going slow enough for you to walk out in front of my car to pull me over, clearly you don't really think I am a threat. According to my memory, the encounter ended with one of us mumbling "and a Merry Christmas to you, Sir" as we got back on the road.
Now a few more years down the road I can't get to October 1 without smiling to myself and humming a Christmas tune or two. To be honest, I can't go all Christmas non-stop from October 1 to the end of the year (I only have so many renditions of O Holy Night) without going crazy, but I'll always mark October 1 as the starting point.
Liz and I exchanged texts this year deciding that this is one of our favorite PBA memories....even if it did result in my parents getting postcards about defensive driving classes available in South Florida.
And in case you weren't able to mark October 1 properly this year, here's one of our favorites for you:
Now, you must be saying to yourself "Self, why is October 1 different than any other day". I'm glad you asked. Not only is it Fall-ish and beautiful and often the start to the end of the year, but in my world it is also the Official Unofficial First Day of Christmas Music. In fact, I'm listening to a Christmas mix now to get in the spirit.
This tradition actually started when I was in high school. The summer after my freshman year, Zach went off to college. Sarah and I spent tons of time together as we headed into fall and I noticed that she was listening to her Amy Grant Christmas CD (you know the one) on repeat. When asked why, she said it made her feel like Christmas was closer which meant Zach would come back home from college. She didn't live to see Christmas that year, but I've never forgotten her love for the music and excitement for the season. While I can't bring myself to listen starting in August, somewhere along the way decided that October 1 is an acceptable start date.
Fast forward a couple of years and I'm living in West Palm Beach. Liz, Shelby and I wake up and head off to school on one bright and sunny October 1st. To properly honor our homemade holiday, we rolled the windows down and BLASTED Christmas music on our way to school. Much to our chagrin, the motorcycle cop 1 mile down North Flagler didn't carry the same passion for October 1 that we did, which resulted in a speeding ticket with my name on it. For going 45. Really, sir? If I'm going slow enough for you to walk out in front of my car to pull me over, clearly you don't really think I am a threat. According to my memory, the encounter ended with one of us mumbling "and a Merry Christmas to you, Sir" as we got back on the road.
Now a few more years down the road I can't get to October 1 without smiling to myself and humming a Christmas tune or two. To be honest, I can't go all Christmas non-stop from October 1 to the end of the year (I only have so many renditions of O Holy Night) without going crazy, but I'll always mark October 1 as the starting point.
Liz and I exchanged texts this year deciding that this is one of our favorite PBA memories....even if it did result in my parents getting postcards about defensive driving classes available in South Florida.
And in case you weren't able to mark October 1 properly this year, here's one of our favorites for you:
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