Necessary Endings

My team and I traveled Thursday to Charlotte, NC to hear Dr. Henry Cloud speak on his new book called Necessary Endings. I can't WAIT to read it. Seriously. I'm a little over half way through with his Integrity book now and it is blowing me away. Remind me to share the latest insight from that title some time. It involves telling the truth...and it will make you squirm.

Anyway, Necessary Endings talks about how EVERYTHING has a life span. Everything has a start and stop time. He quoted the verses from Ecclesiastes that we all know so well "a time to live and a time to die......". He made the point that we don't often see the end point and we feel it is unnatural for things to die or end. To us that signals pain and loss, so many times we continue on with them (business ideas/plans, product lines, relationships, etc) instead of dealing with the necessary ending. It was really interesting!

I found the topic to be super ironic. Before we left the office on Thursday, I was informed that our company is splitting. Some of my co-wokers will be taken to a new company and will have jobs there. Everyone else will stay where they are in the current company. Well, most everyone. I was told that I was one of the only people that the President and COO didn't know what to do with. They didn't know if they had a place for me anymore. So Linda (COO) let me know that I wouldn't be moving to the new company with her, but I wouldn't necessarily have a place where I am either. Needless to say this was a shock. She told me to go on the business trip and enjoy myself and just know that on Monday my world would change.

Now, I know to get the full grasp of emotion I should've sat down right then and written this post. I've had 4 days to start working through the possibilities of what that means. I've faced the line of emotions from sadness to anger to indifference to hope. I've only told my parents and Sara, but I wanted you girls to know too so you could be praying. Although I don't really know what the request would be. I mean, I definitely want a job and want to stay, but don't know if this is God's way of pushing me out of the nest so to speak. I want to be open to the "necessary ending" if that is what this is. In my plan, it was just going to be when I finished school and was ready to start interpreting full time.

I've realized the biggest heartache in this comes from a deeply planted belief I have that I'm not worth fighting for. It's been fed throughout my life from my relationships with David and Bradley, from another job scenario, and through some of my friendships over the past 3 years. I know I can logically look at that and recognize that isn't Truth. It isn't what God thinks about me. But it is a daily battle to not go back and sit under that tree for a while. I'm making a choice (sometimes multiple times a day) to not believe that lie and to fall into that well of self-pity. What a waste of time that is.

At this point, I know the decision of staying or getting laid off is out of my control. I'm trying not to get too ahead of myself with plans/panic/job options. But I do keep day dreaming about getting a $100,000 severance pay so I can travel to each of your houses for a visit and afford to not get a job until I'm done with school. Since that is waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay over what I'm paid now, I can't see that really happening, but that has kept me entertained. :)

So, all that to say....I should find out tomorrow what the verdict is. Please pray that I will fully trust God with his plan be it either to stay or leave. I'll let you know when I hear something.